What gift I can give you?

Is high self-esteem the greatest gift I can give my daughters. High self-esteem means you consider yourself important and valuable, regardless of your appearance, ability or performance. If you feel you are important, you speak up for yourself and defend your rights and your body. Any woman can become a victim of a violent act, of course, but statistically speaking the possibility is very slight-and, in light of the research cited by psychologist and author Nicky Marone, even slighter for women with high self-esteem. An investigation in which scientists filmed ordinary people, pedestrians in New York, as they strolled along the street. This film was shown to a group of criminals, who were asked to say which people were worth considering as victims. The results were unequivocal: it was always the same people who were selected. They stood out because of their inhibited body language, which indicated fragility, uncertainty and a general lack of self-confidence.

The best way I can protect my daughters from fear and danger,as an alternative to confining them to their bedrooms until they turn 35, is to ensure that they have a good self-esteem. The chance to strengthen self-esteem exists even when they are toddlers. Don't hurry to their aid if things go wrong-leave it to them to find solutions by themselves, and possibly to fail and try again. Children also develop self-esteem when they feel the unconditional love of their parents, a love that is founded on their worth as a human being, not on their appearance or performance.

Princess Jesus

Although this is Eva’s third Christmas, it is the first that she fully appreciates in all of its indulgent, commercial glory and her greater awareness of a holiday-saturated culture in general - she knows exactly what's going on, or does she?
It is all visions of sugar plums, fat men bearing gifts, candy cane, gingerbread and princess Jesus.
She has embraced the holidays with all the desperate enthusiasm of an alcoholic at a whiskey sale, and although it is adorable, it's also a little bit disconcerting.Should we carefully shield her from the hype of the holidays as a festival of presents and candy? Limit her exposure to any medium that broadcasts holiday-fetishizing advertisements. We have made efforts to explain to her what Christmas really is supposed to be about - star in the east, baby in swaddling clothes, three wise men bearing gifts. We talk about the importance of giving and of being grateful and of celebrating family and friends and everything that we are so fortunate to already have. But still, after all of this, she remains intoxicated by Christmas. "Will princess Jesus bring us gifts?" she asks. The Christmas that decks the halls with boughs of holly and Tinker Bell Advent Calendars and that celebrates, above all else, the getting of stuff. I don't want to deprive my children of those childish pleasures, nor do I want to teach them that wanting (desiring, coveting) is in itself bad. It is, after all, okay to want things. But I do want them to learn that wanting things for oneself must be tempered by - and is most pleasurable in concert with - wanting things for others, and that Christmas is only incidentally about receiving material gifts. I want them to take to heart - when they're old enough to understand - the spirit of the Christmas story with its tidings of great joy and message of hope and peace and good will. I want them to understand the lesson learned by Charlie Brown, that shiny pink Christmas trees with mounds of presents are kind of cool, but are really beside the point, and that the best feeling that one can have during the holidays is that heart-full, love-smothered feeling that one gets when embracing the spirit of good will and hope and love.

We had a revolution

We had a revolution, things have got better for girls and now girls can do anything they want to, though it's not turning out to be that simple. The empire struck back, and the appalling forces of commercial greed rushed into to replace old values, and created for girls a whole new slavery - you have to be slim. You have to have big breasts. You have to work your whole life long, even if you simply long for some peace and quiet with your new baby, or to be creative,or have time to just BE. We have to have it all. We've made progress but we still have a long way to go.

This world is a pretty toxic place for children, the messages the media send, the food on the supermarket shelves-toxic. So we have to show great care in what we put into their bodies and their minds.
One thing we should remember, our baby girls are not putty in our hands. They belong to themselves and bring their own personality and unique life's work into the world. As parents, we are lucky to be allowed to accompany them for a while.

On your journey

I can hands down say I have never felt intensity as in the moment my daughters were born. But also, sitting halfway between feeling so lucky, so blessed, and so terrified about getting it wrong, and not being up to the job. For help, I as do many parents tap into one of the things that our culture does well - books, ideas, discussion, to help broaden our picture and learn from the lives of others. We don't have elders,we don't have a village to help us. But at least we have a questioning society that puts out so much information and that brings us the thoughts from across the globe, that other people's lives have gone into making, all for us to digest, use or discard.

Most of us, men and women, had odd and difficult times growing up, distant fathers did not teach how to father, marital chaos and widespread divorces made us distrustful and unsure of how to form strong relationships. and make them work. We had little in the way of spiritual depth, the old religions collapsed but only money and pleasure rushed in to replace them. We didn't really know the deep peace of the earth around us only the chatter of television and the clutter of bedrooms full of junk.

What is it that I want for my daughters ? In answering that I search deeper within myself, so that things I had kept buried inside come to surface, beliefs, passions, forgotten memories to become a more wide awake, fully alive human being, rather than someone who provides meals, drives the school taxi, packs a lunch for the school bag for another rat race day. What our kids will remember, and what will strengthen them, is the moments of closeness, honesty and peaceful times that we spend in amid the scramble of life. The parts that we fence off and make special, where we refuse to dance the the tune of the commercial world.

Exposed

Once upon a time, becoming a mother was something you did alone, in your home, with your baby. Your sources of expertise were few: women in your family, women on your block, and your doctor. Your husband knew nothing, and when you had a question, there was Dr. Spock. Maybe you were happy, or angry, or drunk, or overwhelmed, or pleasantly bored, or deeply satisfied. But those emotions lived at home.
Then came the Internet. (Okay, then came feminism. But after that, the Internet.) And for all mothers, came a sense emancipation. Sharing parenting stories, dumping our most toxic thoughs and enjoying great moments - our lives lit up and exposed.

I'm Sonia Da Silva and this is my story, raising girls - exposed!